The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Evil, mean, morbid and sarcastic jokes, quite tasteless and lacking class.
Enjoy!
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was
charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I
had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it
took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
You know you're ugly when you get handed
the camera every time they make a group photo.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to
your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
A priests
asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
-
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
-
Yeah,
the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!
Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment.
In the Middle East – an argument.
Oh daddy, I love you so much!
-
Hey, until we get the DNA test, I’m
just Harry to you!
At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
She: “Oh
how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”
How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The
blind start reading your face.
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