The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Evil, mean, morbid and sarcastic jokes, quite tasteless and lacking class.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was
charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I
had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it
took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to
your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
Well why don’t you
move away from in front of the dart board then?!
Let’s eat mom. Let’s eat, mom. Punctuation. It can save lives!
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.
“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment.
In the Middle East – an argument.
Doctor: You're obese.
Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.
I saw two kids fighting in the elementary school playground. Being the only
adult around, I had to step in. They didn’t stand a chance.
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!
Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”
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