Black Humor | Dark Jokes | short-funny.com

The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes

Evil, mean, morbid and sarcastic jokes, quite tasteless and lacking class. Enjoy!

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
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"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
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Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!

“You da bomb!”

“No, you da bomb!”

In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.

Oh daddy, I love you so much!
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Hey, until we get the DNA test, I’m just Harry to you!

At a first date:

He: “I work with animals every day!”

She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”

He: “I’m a butcher.”

How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?

The blind start reading your face.