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Hilarious Jokes

Best first: Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!
    
 Hilarious Jokes

Hilarious jokes

 
Seriously good jokes!
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.


What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
 
It’s when the blind try to read your face.
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
 
   The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
 
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?
 -
Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here?
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”
After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself.

“Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.”

“Why did you buy them at all then?” wonders the driver.

“You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!”
Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?"
 
"No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."
At a disco:
 
He: “Wow, what’s a cute girl like you doing in a corner all alone?”
-
She: “I had to fart.”
Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
 -
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”

Come on, I made you breakfast in bed, what I should be hearing is a simple ‘Thank you,’ not all this 'How did you get into my house?' nonsense!
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
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Hilarious Jokes

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