Very Funny Pirate Jokes and Puns
Q: What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?
A: He got burned to the ground.
How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
Nobody was ready to take on his right
Why don’t pirates go to joy houses?
They’ve got all the booty
Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?
A: A beginner.
What is the most favorite pirating song, surprisingly?
Don’t cry for me, Arrrrrrgentina...
no, sir, I said pirate ship. What on Earth would possess me to call you a
pile of shit?!
Have you ever heard any good
Well neither have ayyye!
Q: Why is it impossible to take a picture of a pirate with an iron
Seriously? Have you ever tried taking a picture with an iron hook?!
How do pirates communicate with each other?
With an Aye phone.
But aye to
aye is always best.
What is regularly given
to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right?
The captain’s log.
How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think so, therefore they
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite movie?
A: Booty and the Beast.
(But it is arr-rated.)
Why don’t the Chinese make very good pirates?
they’re not very strong in the ‘Arrrr!’ department.
Q: How did Captain Hook died?
A: Multiple stabbings. He got a
bad case of an itchy rash.
Q: What do you
get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your head off.
Q: Which side of his boat does a good pirate try to avoid?
A: The outside.
Q: What would you call
a pirate with 4 eyes?
A: A iiiirate.
Q: What should you do when you see a
Run, he probably has the SAAARRRRRRS!
In case his ship is sunk, every pirate carries a bar of soap
with him at all times.
You know, to wash him ashore.
Q: Who was the first pirate?
A: Noah, the builder of the
Q: What comic book
characters are even better at finding treasure than pirates?
A: The X-Men.
It’s amazing, really,
how bad reputation pirates get.
Just think of how many of them have been cannonized!
Steve: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.
Pete: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.
Q: What’s the difference between a pirate and a strawberry
A: The pirate buries
his treasure, the farmer treasures his berries.
Q: Why did the pirate cross the road?
A: To reach the second hand shop.
Q: What is pirates’ favorite choice of music?
A: Usually Rum n’ Bass, but they’re OK
with aRR n’ B, too.
Q: Why are pirates bad at cards?
A: It’s kind of hard to play when you’re sitting on
Q: How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
Pirate pick up lines:
- Oh you make
my Roger Jolly!
- Is that a wooden leg or are you that happy to see me?
Do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?
- Care to do some booty
plundering with me?
- Surrender your booty!
Q: Do you know how to make a PIRATE very angry?
A: You take away the P.
Q: What does the pirate say when he steps on a Lego?
It always struck me as odd that the Pirates of the
Caribbean DVD had a piracy warning…
Rob the Pirate was drinking rum
He thought he’d feel better in the morning if he drank some hot
water – but it only made him groggy.
To err is human.
To arr is seriously pirate.
Q: Why are pirates such eager readers of the Playboy?
A: Because of the
Q: What would you call a pirate with no eye?
A: A prate.
Q: What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?
A: The Steady Relationship.
Q: Where do pirates put their weapons?
A: In their enemies.
does a pirate declutter his ship?
A: By having a yarrrrd sale.
guy was trying to sell me a DVD that was rated 3.14 stars.
I could tell
straight away it was pi-rated.
Q: Why don’t
you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?
A: Because they use the patch.
A pirate has
stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad,
constantly swearing and refusing to behave.
Finally the ex-pirate had enough
When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in the freezer
for five minutes.
When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and
said: “I promise I’ll be good now, John, no swearing! Just a question – what
on Earth did the turkey do?”
Q: Why don’t pirate marriages last much?
A: Because of all the arrrrguments.
would a pirate wear for his Halloween costume?
A: A pumpkin patch.
Wooden pegs and hooks are really expensive these days.
an arm and a leg.
Pirates make fantastic singers.
You should hear it
when they hit the high Cs.
Most veteran pirates can only think about sailing the seas
They’ve got ship for brains.
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
because it would be an R, but it’s
missing a leg.
How can you tell a pirate has
fallen for modern technology?
It’s the iPatch that gives it away.
Bonus Pirate Jokes
Q: Why do pirates make great lawyers?
they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing.
Q: Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?
A: Because they spend months and
months at C.
Q: What happened
when Bluebeard the Pirate fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.