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Top 50 Pirate Jokes | Hilarrrrrrrious

Best first: Why is pirating so popular? Once you lose your first arm, you’re hooked for life.
 Pirate Jokes Arr...

Very Funny Pirate Jokes and Puns



Q: What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?

A: He got burnt to the ground.


How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?

Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.


Have you ever heard any good pirate jokes?
 Well neither have ayyye!

Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?

A: A beginner.

What is the most favorite pirating song, surprisingly?

Don’t cry for me, Arrrrrrgentina...


Oh no, sir, I said pirate ship. What on Earth would possess me to call you a pile of shit?!


What letter does a pirate like the least?

Dear Sir,
Due to extensive illegal downloading detected on your IP address, we are forced to terminate your internet connection and inform relevant authorities.
With regards, Edward Cruleton, Customer Services


Q: Why is it impossible to take a picture of a pirate with an iron hook?

A: Seriously?  Have you ever tried taking a picture with an iron hook?!


How do pirates communicate with each other?

With an Aye phone.

But aye to aye is always best.


What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right?

The captain’s log.


How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think so, therefore they arrr.


Q: What is a pirate’s favorite movie?

A: Booty and the Beast. (But it is arr-rated.)


Why don’t the Chinese make very good pirates?

Because they’re not very strong in the ‘Arrrr!’ department.


Q: How did Captain Hook died?

A: Multiple stabbings. He got a bad case of an itchy rash.


Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?

A: A bird that will talk your head off.


Q: Which side of his boat does a good pirate try to avoid?

A: The outside.


Q: What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes?

A: A iiiirate.

How did Capitan Hook die?

He got distracted and wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

In case his ship is sunk, every pirate carries a bar of soap with him at all times.

You know, to wash him ashore.


Q: Who was the first pirate?

A: Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.


Q: What comic book characters are even better at finding treasure than pirates?

A: The X-Men.


It’s amazing, really, how bad reputation pirates get.

Just think of how many of them have been cannonized!


Steve: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.

Pete: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.


Q: What’s the difference between a pirate and a strawberry farmer?

A: The pirate buries his treasure, the farmer treasures his berries.


Q: Why did the pirate cross the road?

A: To reach the second hand shop.


Q: What is pirates’ favorite choice of music?

A: Usually Rum n’ Bass, but they’re OK with aRR n’ B, too.


Q: Why are pirates bad at cards?

A: It’s kind of hard to play when you’re sitting on the deck.

Q: How does a pirate get to the top of the building?

A: By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!


Pirate pick up lines:

- Oh you make my Roger Jolly!

- Is that a wooden leg or are you that happy to see me?

- Do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?

- Care to do some booty plundering with me?

- Surrender your booty!

Q: Do you know how to make a PIRATE very angry?

A: You take away the P.


Q: What does the pirate say when he steps on a Lego?

A: Arrrrrgh!!!


It always struck me as odd that the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD had a piracy warning…


Rob the Pirate was drinking rum all night.

He thought he’d feel better in the morning if he drank some hot water – but it only made him groggy.


To err is human.

To arr is seriously pirate.

Q: Why are pirates such eager readers of the Playboy?

A: Because of the arrrticles.


Q: What would you call a pirate with no eye?

A: A prate.


Q: What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?

A: The Steady Relationship.


Q: Where do pirates put their weapons?

A: In their enemies.


Q: How does a pirate declutter his ship?

A: By having a yarrrrd sale.


A guy was trying to sell me a DVD that was rated 3.14 stars.

I could tell straight away it was pi-rated.


Q: Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?

A: Because they use the patch.


A pirate has stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad, constantly swearing and refusing to behave.

Finally the ex-pirate had enough of it.

When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in the freezer for five minutes.

When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and said: “I promise I’ll be good now, John, no swearing! Just a question – what on Earth did the turkey do?”


Q: Why don’t pirate marriages last much?

A: Because of all the arrrrguments.


Q: What would a pirate wear for his Halloween costume?

A: A pumpkin patch.


Wooden pegs and hooks are really expensive these days.

They cost an arm and a leg.


Pirates make fantastic singers.

You should hear it when they hit the high Cs.

Most veteran pirates can only think about sailing the seas again.

They’ve got ship for brains.


Q: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
A: P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.

How can you tell a pirate has fallen for modern technology?

It’s the iPatch that gives it away.

Bonus Pirate Jokes

Q: Why do pirates make great lawyers?

A: Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing.
Q: Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?

A: Because they spend months and months at C.
Q: What happened when Bluebeard the Pirate fell overboard in the Red Sea?

A: He got marooned.

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