What is black and sticks to a tree?
A peeping tom after a forest fire.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead,
they have 206 of them.
“Mother I really don’t like the red soup”
“Be quiet child. We get it
just once a month”
One man's trash is another man's treasure...
wasn’t the ideal way of telling our daughter that she was adopted…)
“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only
Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those
Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
Well why don’t you
move away from in front of the dart board then?!
A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom,
please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them."
The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..."
Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children,
or two seriously cool Pokémons.
Doctor tells his patient, “I’m afraid you are going to die in a few
hours. What is your last wish?”
Patient replies, “I need a good
How to save a man from drowning?
Try removing your foot from
What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
"Mother, why do people die so suddenly in our family?"
What do you call people who use the temperature method of contraception?
do hurricanes get such lame names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane
Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need
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