Clean and funny fart jokes (family friendly).
What is the optimum weight of a fart?
0.0 grams. Otherwise we’re not
A boy comes home proudly announces to his parents "Mom, dad, the teacher
asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny!
And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys says,
Darling, why are you trying to reach the ceiling with your legs?
You don’t understand these things, Carl, it’s yoga and this is a position
called the candle.
And does the fact that you just farted have
anything to do with it?
It’s a scented candle. Now go away!
Bill Gates farted in an Apple store. He later commented, "Well it’s hardly
my fault they don't have any Windows…”
A teenage boy is invited for lunch at his girlfriend’s house. Because he
made some bad food choices earlier, he simply has to fart when they're all
at the table - carefully but it can still be heard.
girlfriend's dad shouts at the large dog sitting under the boy’s chair:
Seeing that the father thought it was the dog, the boy is much
A minute later the boy has to fart again - and again
audibly. The father snaps at the dog again: “REX!!”
But ten minutes
later the boy lets it rip again. The father shouts: “Rex,
come here right
now before that boy craps on you.”
Farting in an elevator is simply wrong on so many levels.
What is invisible and smells of carrots?
A little bunny’s fart.
Full elevators have a different smell to children and midgets.
When people hug you, fart loudly. You’ll make them feel very strong.
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
It’s when the
blind try to read your face.
A skeleton made a bet, claiming he’s going to fart really loud in a crowded
place. But he didn’t in the end. He just didn’t have the guts.
The most nerve-wracking moment in the life of a man?
Attempting your first
silent public fart after a bout of diarrhea.
That awkward moment when you fart in class and ten seconds later somebody
stumbles to the window to open it.
That awkward moment when you make a false excuse to go out of the room to
fart, but when you come back in, you realize you carried the smell back with
That awkward moment when your shoe makes the wrong sound on the floor and
you know there’s no way to persuade anyone you haven’t just farted.
That awkward moment you fart in the supermarket’s empty dairy section and
then somebody comes that very second, sniffing and admiring the complex
maturity of the Limburger cheese.
Don’t you hate it when you fart under your blanket, lift your foot to air it
out but instead you unintentionally lift the other end of the blanket and
get the full load in your face?
What is the real reason women don’t fart loudly in public?
don’t shut up long enough to build a decent pressure.
That awkward moment when you fart in front of your crush.
Farted at work today. They called in the plumbers to check for a leak in the
A bear starts to yawn but farts instead.
Mother’s advice: Look what the couch has to endure. It has to stand every
fart, and silently.
What is invisible and smells of worms?
A bird’s fart.
Q: What is the result of eating refried beans and onions? A: Tear Gas.
A man pulls up his car at a red light next to a woman in her car. He
opens his windows and glances at the woman. The woman also opens the window
and looks at him questioningly. The man smiles and says: “Ah, you too? Gas
is a bitch, isn’t it.”
Totally reliable pick up line: "Wow, did you just fart? Because you totally blew me
Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop. One fly farts and the other fly
cries, "Hey! I'm trying to eat here!"
A man farts unintentionally but loudly at a party. Another man looks
absolutely scandalized and says, “How dare you fart in front of my sister?!”
The farter looks even more devastated and says, “I’m sorry – I wasn’t
aware it was her turn…”
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