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One Liners | Part 4

Best first: When everything’s coming your way – perhaps you’re in the wrong direction on the highway?
 
     
Funny One Liners

I have clean conscience. I haven’t used it once till now.
  Condoms don’t equal safe sex. Her husband found us and things got anything but safe.
 The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good, nor old.

Dentist: "You need a crown."
-
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"
 It’s all a matter of viewpoint. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Fat? No. I’m just not on the right planet.
A cannibal came home late to family dinner. He got the cold shoulder.
 A magician was driving down the road and turned into a shopping mall.
 I do say no to drugs. It’s just they’re not so good at listening.
How to make a hot dog stand?
Take its chair away.
 You can’t fire me! Slaves can only be sold!!
If you forget to pay for exorcism, will you get repossessed?Future. The time you’ll wish you’d done more in the current present.
 I kept trying to feed money into the change machine yesterday, but nothing changed!
I will never forget my dad’s last words: “Will you stop playing with the bow, Nicholas?!”

Do I look like a suppository?
(No)
So why am I expected to crawl up my boss’s ass?
 I don’t think it would work between us, Larry. You know, I’m a Libra and you’re an pig.
 “The trouble with internet quotes is that it’s extremely hard to ascertain their true origin.”
-
Martin Luther King
Living with a woman is a lot like farting. If you push too much, you’re really going to wish you hadn’t.
 That awkward moment when you enthusiastically try to tickle somebody who isn’t ticklish.
Best One Liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4


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