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One Liners | Part 2

Best first: How many animals did Moses bring on his Ark?
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None! Moses didn’t have an Ark.
 
     
One Liner Jokes

Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.

I stole my friend’s wheelchair. Guess who is comes crawling back to me?!
Man so his wife:
'
I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible.
Dark, the side of this toast is. (Yoda at breakfast)
What would you call a person who had no body and no nose?
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Nobody knows.
A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”
 I saw this sweet poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. At least I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than 3.50 in her wallet.
 I never hold my farts in. Only assholes do that.
Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
Where do fish sleep?
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 In the RiverBed.
Talk is cheap, yeah? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?!
My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 12. The 5 managed to run to safety.
I called the hospital but the line was dead.
Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair?
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Wife: Michael, I’m over here!
Do you know a tree’s favorite drink?
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Root beer!
What did one plate say to his friend?
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Tonight, dinner’s on me!

Two invisible men meet. One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”
 When everything’s coming your way – perhaps you’re in the wrong direction on the highway?
A woman sees an angler at a lake, “And, are they biting?”
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The angler replies, “Only if they are provoked.”
Next Part
Best One Liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4


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