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One Liners | Part 3

Best first: I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me.
 
     
One Liners - Very funny

One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet
Do you want to hear a truly delicious tofu recipe?

1) Chuck the tofu.

2) Fry a juicy steak.
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
[NO]
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.
I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s babysitter. Does anybody know where I can quickly get a child from today?
A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”

Mother frowns, “Oh, and so you came to me, huh?”
“Why do you look so sad?”
-
“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”
I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common.
-
So girls, I like to breath.
Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!
I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.
You really are the most jealous woman I know.
-
Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!
My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
“Mom, can I play with grandpa?”
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“No, you just leave him hanging until the police comes.”

What is agony?
-
You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch.
Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!
I had to quit my job at the helium plant. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore that people speak to me in such a voice.
My wife accused for being a transvestite
-
So I packed up her things and left.
It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.

Why won’t Mexicans be sad too long about Trump’s wall? They will get over it.
You look so bad your mum got a penalty for littering when she dropped you off at school today.
In hell, you get a room wallpapered from top to bottom with your hastily deleted selfies.
I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.
Next Part
Best One Liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4


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