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Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!

Best first: Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

  
Funniest jokes, quotes and sayings:


The best jokes | Top 100
2

Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?”
-
Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it up. “

3

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
4

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

5
 
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” 

6

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
7

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

8

Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
9

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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Funniest jokes of all times

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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