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Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!

Best first: Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

  
Funniest jokes, quotes and sayings:


The best jokes | Top 100
2

Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?”
-
Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it up. “

3

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
4

Husband: "Honey, aren't those trousers a bit too tight for you?"
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Wife: "It's really funny how you pronounce 'I want to die'."

5
 
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” 

6

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
7

I called my woman to celebrate our first anniversary. And she just hung up. Doesn’t our separation mean anything to her?

8

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
9

Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”

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Funniest jokes of all times

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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