How many surrealists do you need to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to turn the chameleon, the other to sing clock-ticking to the color green.
And why do you think you’d be academically qualified for this job, Mr Richardson?”
-
“I possess a degree of intelligence.”
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You think it’s a coincidence?
Do you know what Hercules’ wife is called?
Why, Fraucules, of course.
Who the hell is Rorschach and why did he paint so many pictures of my mother?!
I was taught by a nun with a really nasty habit.
-
She used to wipe her nose on it.
I bought a new thesaurus, but it was a waste of money. It is bad.
In other words, it’s bad.
Schrödinger went to see his cardiologist.
The doctor said he has good news, and bad news.
Two demons of hell who work in different departments meet up for a beer and catch up.
“Yeah, it’s really bad in my section right now, everyone’s really upset.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Well, we got a hardcore gamer the other day who died of a heart attack while playing. He wiped out half the crew with a chainsaw before we managed to persuade him this isn’t a new level of Doom!”
Fun fact – did you know that when you take all the nerves from a human body and align them so they’re forming a straight line, you’ll end up in jail for a really, really long time?
“Yeah, I do, he handled our company website brilliantly, he’s awesome!”
“Fantastic! Can you give me his contact details, then?”
“… Well, no…”
I image-googled Rorschach test to see what all the fuss was about. But now I’m shocked. How can it all be pictures of my girlfriend cheating on me with my dad?
Schrödinger's cat walks in a bar … and doesn’t.
Check out our Anti-Jokes
What should I put on my tofu burger?
-
A curse!
I need a patch for a really weird bug I’m experiencing – the quest “Find a girlfriend” got set for me on the hardest possible level of difficulty.
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