New Dad Jokes 2022 Version

The best first: Dad, can you tell me what's left?
Dad: the opposite of right.
New Dad jokes 2022

Fresh Dad Jokes

  Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
That awkward moment when your dad tells you that you’re not really drunk as long as you can pronounce your name backwards and you remind yourself that his name is Bob.
I get all kinds of weird looks at the gym. Can’t they bring their own pizza?

What is yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
A school bus.
That awkward moment when you borrow your dad’s electric beard trimmer, disappear in the bathroom for 40 minutes and your dad wonders what you were doing there because your beard looks just like it did before…
It always takes two to create trouble in a marriage.
The wife and the mother-in-law.
I sometimes feel like the 5th wheel in my family.
Which, of course, is the steering wheel.
What is black, cool, and stands in a forest?
A deer in a leather jacket.
A waiter came to me in Pizza Hut yesterday and said, “I see you have an empty glass there. Would you like another?”

I don’t know what’s wrong with people. What would I do with two empty glasses?!
Why has no skeleton ever jumped from a really tall building?
They ain’t got the balls.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
They have issues with the net.

Dad Joke Fish

I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why (y).
I love vegan food! It makes an excellent side dish to any meat!
What does a traffic warden do when he wins a million dollars in the lottery?
He buys himself a crossing and becomes self-employed.
Seriously, some limits, please! I’m getting a bit tired of the constant police advertisements that they’re constantly sticking under my screen wiper. 

I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today.
His name is Brocko Lee.
What is white, stands in front of the stairs, and can’t go up?
A washing machine.

What do polar bears eat for breakfast?
Frosted flakes.
Thomas says to John: “You know, it’s a good thing we aren’t Mexicans.”
John is puzzled: “What? Why?”
Thomas explains: “Because we don’t know a word of Spanish.”
What tea is it not a good idea to drink?
 What happened on the 1.1.1111?
A new year started.
Why is it pointless to play hide and seek with mountain ranges?
They peak.
What is yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
A school bus.
A man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?”
The doctor asks: “When did you swallow it?”
“About 3 years ago.”
“Really? Why are you coming this late?!”
“Well… I lost my spare key.”
An exclamation mark look at a question mark appraisingly, “Hmmm, nice curves!

Dad Joke new
”What did Jasmin rice say to Asian vegetables?
Don't you wok away from me!
What brand of car does an Egg drive?
A Yolkswagen
What’s the difference between a wasp and a fly?
A wasp can fly, but a fly can’t wasp.
Why can’t fish cry?
Because they don’t have eyebrows.

Fish Joke
Why is there a donut sitting at the dentist’s office?
It’s there to get a filling.
What kind of cake is the most popular one in cake shops?
Answer: “This one!“

And the second most popular?
Answer: “No, no – that one, right next to it!”

What is black and white and sits on a swing?
A swinguine.
Why do fish make such lousy tennis players?
They’re afraid of coming close to the net.

What is white and hides behind a tree?
A shy milk.
Are insecticides good for mosquitos?"
Not at all, it kills them!"
“What to call a bear who’s lost all its teeth?
A gummy bear!”

Dad Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes

See also: Bad Jokes

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