I just got a new microwave for my wife. It was a good trade. I hope she will
be happy with the new guy.
Oh no – you’ve literally just missed your mother in law. Would you like some
A friend of mine asked if he could crash on the sofa. He said he’d like to
stay at my place for a couple of nights.
He’s such a naive puppy.
I’ve been married for six years now. Where does he think I sleep?
Two guys are talking, “I haven’t had intercourse with my wife until the
wedding. What about you?”
“I don’t know, what was her maiden name?”
Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those other people are men.
Wife: Phillip, you have no clothes on, and you're oiled. Why?! Please
Husband: Well, you did nag me. You said I
My wife had a terrible accident today with my car.
OMG, is she
Not yet. She locked herself in the bathroom.
“How’s it going, Pete?”
“Ah, I don’t know. The wife keeps
nagging. Just this morning I got scolded like a little boy that I never
listen to her and some other thing.”
Despite protests, I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property.
My wife’s dead against it.
That awkward moment when you realize that marital vows have robbed you of
your right to a fair share of blanket.
Husband and Wife Jokes