Marriage and Relationship Jokes | Part 4

Why does psychoanalysis work quicker with men than with women? Because when it's time to return to one’s childhood, the man is already there.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised to hear it.

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Me and my wife had some problems and after a while decided to go for marriage counseling. And despite my initial reservations, I must say we got some excellent advice. Like, I should treat my wife as I did when we started dating.

So last week I took her to the cinema. Then I dropped her off at her parents!

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Scientists have proven that women have far more fecal bacteria on their palms then men do.

This is because they often dredge up shit from long-forgotten past.

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Why is it called the PMS?
 
Because the Mad Cow Disease was taken.

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I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots.

 I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left 2 days ago.

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Check out our Anti-Jokes

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I don’t think you can trust anything that bleeds for five days and yet doesn’t die.

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 The most successful wives don’t just randomly select their husbands. They pick them. Clean to the bone.

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Judge: Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
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Wife: Because the table was too heavy.

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Seen enough XXX jokes? Discover a new category!

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At a parole hearing: “What is the main reason behind your application for early release?”

“I’m getting married.”

“Hm, you have unique ideas about freedom.”

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Vera has had 15 years of happy marriage. And she only used up 4 husbands!

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Women are so funny sometimes. They think that their long silences or “I won’t talk to you” attitudes is actually a punishment.

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A husband asks his wife:
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If I died, would you marry again?
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Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
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No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.

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A fortune teller asks a woman: “So, you came to know your husband’s future?”
 
“Actually not but tell me about his past, then I’ll decide about his future!!”

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A woman visits a well-known witch.

She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her about 8 years ago.

The witch asks, “What sort of a curse was it, then?”

The woman said, “It went, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’.

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”If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.

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They say a minute of laughter adds five minutes to your life.

That explains why God, after having created Man, lives forever.

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Next Part
 Husband and Wife Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

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