Funny Sayings - Part 6 | Black Humor

Get ready for laughter! We deliver funny sayings and quotes with a dark twist. Can you handle a little darkness?

---

My boyfriend is so ugly, I sometimes have to put roofies in my own drink.

---

A sound defense:

Crazy? Me? Nah - It was the voices that told me to do it.

---

---

 The human body was clearly designed by a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running through a recreational area?

---

If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

---

 My love life is like the beginning of a fairytale: A long time ago, in a land far away...

---

“The last thing I want to do is to hurt you.

But we’ll get there eventually, once I’ve gone through the entire list.

---

An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.

---

Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.

---

It is a well documented fact that your urge to poo intensifies as you are unlocking the front door.

---

All my life I thought air was for free.

That was until I bought a bag of crisps.

---

Don’t mess with me, I know aikido and judo! And a few other Japanese words and phrases!

---

No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.

---

I'm in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.

---

I didn’t fall down. The floor needed a hug.

---

---

Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.

---

Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

---

When the weekend is over:

Where exactly was I in the night from Friday to Monday???

---

Go bungee jumping. Your life started with a malfunctioning rubber, so it’s only right it should end that way, too.

---

A smooth break-up line:

There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I'm not even willing to throw up in your direction.

---

Next: Funny Sayings Part 7 (Entertaining Offenses)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8



See also: New Sayings | Shower Thoughts