Fun Quotes | Part 10

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
-
Robert Frost

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“If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.”
–
Bill Murray

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“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

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 “I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.” – Mitch Hedberg

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A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
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Woody Allen

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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
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Groucho Marx

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
-
Bill Murray

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The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
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Will Rogers

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Quote:
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.

We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

 Henry Youngman

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Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-
Edgar Bergen

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Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
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Anonymous

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“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.”
–
Bill Murray

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Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-
Benjamin Franklin

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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
-
Groucho Marx

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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-
George Carlin

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We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-
George Bernard Shaw

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First Part
Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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