I sniffed some Coke when I was a teenager, just
to see what it’s like, but the bubbles were just too unpleasant in my nose.
The stationary shop moved. It really surprised me.
“My career is in ruins.” – Herbert Dillgrin, archaeologist
A verb, a preposition, an article, and a noun walk into a bar.
Which US state has rounded ends and is high in the middle?
What does a dyslexic insomniac confused about religion do?
lies wide awake at night staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out if
there’s a dog.
I’m a superb multitasker. I’ve no problem
wasting time, money and life’s opportunities all at the same time!
An optician is training a new shop assistant and gives him the rules.
“It’s all about proper behavior, proper way of speaking, Joe.
Putting in the
right pauses in your speech is crucial, too. For instance, the customer
enquires about a pair of glasses. You say ‘It’s fifty dollars’ and you make
If the customer looks OK, you continue, ‘for the rims. The lenses
are ten dollars” and if the customer still looks fine, you continue,
Legalize marrrhi…. Legalize pot!
America: If your country has
oil, it badly needs peace and freedom.
I find it so pretentious when students of engineering call themselves
It’s not like medical students walk around calling
themselves doctors or liberal arts students referring to themselves as
unemployed, is it?
Can you be stood up by a guy
in a wheel chair?
Unsuspecting, I opened the door for a feminist. The
court hearing is scheduled for next Monday.
Who the hell is Rorschach
and why did he paint so many pictures of my mother?!
a vampire hunter one sad night when he attacked a vampire with a steak.
How can you get a really good dinner for just one dollar?
deck of cards.
So when did you start working for this company?
The moment they told me I have to pick up my performance or I’m
What does your ex and slinky have in common? It’s nice to
watch either fall down the stairs.
Office meeting. A gathering
that wastes hours, yet keeps minutes.
other than that, Mrs Lincoln, did you like the play?”
So, I don’t know what ‘apocalypse’ mean –
what’s the big deal? It’s not the end of the world.
I’m a pro
at sleeping. I could do it with my eyes closed.
Apple just posted on
their Facebook page that their store got robbed. They’re looking for
I’m a huge fan of 50Cent, or, as he’s known in
Poland, Hundred Million Zloty.
Thesaurus – a place to find a
clever-sounding replacement for a word people would otherwise actually
Best Geek Jokes