They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don't want even
the slightest risk.
Experts say you shouldn’t eat at night. So who put the light bulb in the
Funny bumper stickers:
Do we know each other? No? Then please keep your distance.
Sure, overtake me if you want. We'll meet again at the next traffic light.
Braking is for suckers.
Am I driving too close in front of you?
Escape vehicle. Please do not park too close.
lost. There's no need to follow me.
When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker.
Come over to the dark side of the Force."
A lot of
people are only alive today because the law makes it impossible to shoot
faster than a guardian angel can fly.
Send out your heart to the emancipation movement, bearded women want to be
What – me?! A stalker?! Never! I just like to
be well informed, that’s all.
There are days when you just
want to envelope everybody with light and warmth… preferably through the use
of a flamethrower.
When somebody is bitching:
“I’m sorry, your bitching time has expired. To buy more bitching time,
please insert actual actions.”
My boyfriend is so ugly, I sometimes have to
put roofies in my own drink.
When you don't
know the answer or perhaps you don't want to say:
I will now answer
you with a direct and unequivocal "maybe".
WARNING: Alcohol consumption may cause you to think that you are whispering
when you are quite definitely not.
When somebody has a belly ache or doesn't feel well, why not cheer them up
Ah, you've been nibbling from the loo again, haven't you.
I’m very sorry about all those texts I sent you last night, unfortunately,
my phone was drunk.
Did you see (or possibly get) a bad hairdo?
I wonder what the hairstylist does for
When a bird hits your window, how do you know God isn’t playing Angry Birds
It's funny how many people get mad
when a sentence doesn't end as they carrot juice.
Interesting status update:
9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I'm
crazy. The tenth is humming.
When you're late:
I'm never late. The others are simply too early!
| Part 6