Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly, and for the same reason.
José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread
and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if
green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
“The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100% sure there’s a murderer in my
worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna
scream and run out of the park.”
- Gary Delaney
Some cause happiness wherever
they go; others whenever they go.
there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him
with four or five cupcakes.
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving
cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
“I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor
told me I can’t have any biologically.”
Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet
completely sure about the universe.
| Part 6
| Part 7
| Part 8
| Part 9
| Part 10