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Funny Famous Quotes | Part 6

Best first: Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

     
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
-
John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
-
Bob Hope
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
-
Ronald Reagan
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.
-
Joan Rivers
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
-
 George Burns
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
-
Bill Vaughan

Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.
-
George Burns
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-
Agatha Christie
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
-
George Carlin
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
-
Robin Williams
The Forgetful Vegan: Man that sure was some good pepperoni pi-Oh Fuck!
-
Zach Galifianakis
My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood.
-
Cindy from Marzahn
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
-
Anonymous
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
-
 Rodney Dangerfield
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Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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