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Humorous Quotes  | Part 5

Best first: “The beef is so undercooked it’s starting to eat the salad!”

Gordon Ramsay (TV Chef)

     
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
-
 Caskie Stinnett

We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
-
Robert Wilensky
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
-
Jerry Seinfeld
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
Anonymous
“They don’t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.”

Bill Murray
 “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a happy meal.”

Paul F Taylor
When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
-
George Burns
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
-
Norm Crosby

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
-
Isaac Asimov
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
-
Robert Frost
“I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.”

Bill Murray

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