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Funny Quotes about Life | Part 4

Best first: All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it won’t stop the rain but it will allow you to keep going.
“I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was ‘Shout for help’.” - Jimmy Carry
If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.
Wilson Mizner
First you learn to read. Then you read to learn.
“Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat 2,000 of something.” – Mitch Hedberg
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Flip Wilson
How is it that one careless match can start a raging forest fire, yet it takes an entire box to start a campfire?
“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ”
George Burns
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up. - Rodney Dangerfield
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.
Bill McGlashen
“My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.”

Bill Murray
Do you think you’re safe in a car with your seatbelts on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she’s pregnant.
Anke Engelke
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
“What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.”

Bill Murray

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
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Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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