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Funny Quotes about Life | Part 4

Best first: All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz

     
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
-
Albert Einstein


Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it won’t stop the rain but it will allow you to keep going.
-
Anonymous
“I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was ‘Shout for help’.” - Jimmy Carry
If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.
-
Wilson Mizner
First you learn to read. Then you read to learn.
-
Anonymous
“Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat 2,000 of something.” – Mitch Hedberg
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-
Flip Wilson
How is it that one careless match can start a raging forest fire, yet it takes an entire box to start a campfire?
-
Anonymous
“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ”
-
George Burns
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
-
Jack Nicholson

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up. - Rodney Dangerfield
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.
-
Bill McGlashen
“My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.”

Bill Murray
Do you think you’re safe in a car with your seatbelts on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she’s pregnant.
-
Anke Engelke
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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George Carlin
“What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.”

Bill Murray

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-
Steven Wright
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Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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