Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.
-
Greg King
We've had "cloning" in the South for years. It's called "cousins".
-
Robin Williams
“Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in
a pool.”
–
Bill Murray
"I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at
night."
-
Bill Hicks
“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
-
My
mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
-
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
-
Wendy
Liebman
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-
Al McGuire
“Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn’t cook it!”
-
Gordon Ramsay (TV Chef)
I'm not addicted to coke, I just love the way it smells
-
Richard
Pryor
I can resist everything except temptation.
-
Oscar Wilde
“I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to
stop talking and I panicked.”
–
Bill Murray
Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake.
-
Napoleon
Bonaparte
“A woman described me as a bit of a looker the other day. Well, “voyeur” was
the actual word she used.”
Gary Delaney
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
-
Billy Sunday
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
-
Franklin Jones
“I didn’t give you the finger…you earned it.”
–
Bill Murray
The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner.
-
Czech
proverb
He who laughs.....lasts.
-
Erma Bombeck
By all
means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad
one, you’ll become a philosopher.
-
Socrates
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Funny Quotes
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