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Fun Quotes | Part 10

Best first: Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. - Doug Larson

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Robert Frost
“If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.”

Bill Murray
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
 “I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.” – Mitch Hedberg
A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
Woody Allen
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
Groucho Marx
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
Bill Murray

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Will Rogers
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.”

Bill Murray

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
George Carlin
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
George Bernard Shaw
First Part
Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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