A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask
for it back when it begins to rain.
“If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your
ancestors and all of them got laid.”
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Mark Twain
“I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I
think of something that's funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down.
Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought
of ain't funny.” – Mitch Hedberg
A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me,
she said ”no”.
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
Roses are red, violets
are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Hard work never killed
anybody, but why take a chance?
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.”
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad
to make an exception.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
George Bernard Shaw
| Part 6
| Part 7
| Part 8
| Part 9
| Part 10