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Jokes Top 100 | Part 3

Best first: ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ generally mean the same thing – except at funerals.


What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
He didn't count with this...


Crowded elevators have a different smell to children and midgets.


Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.


Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.


It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.


I can only guess people with dark-tinted car windows must pick their noses much more aggressively than the rest of us.

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.


Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?”
Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”
Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”


Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"

Next Part
Funniest jokes of all times

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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