Two clairvoyants meet. One says to the other: “You are fine, and how am I?
Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”
“Oh no, how
long have you been friends?”
“Since two days ago.”
What did the toilet roll complain about?
keep ripping me off!"
What did one
wall say to the other wall?
We’ll meet at the corner.
What to do when somebody is trying to start an argument with you? Simply eat
a few cookies. They taste very nice and you can’t hear anything over the
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand
calories per day!”
Mrs Mummel: “Before or after meals?”
What goes through every village, over mountains, crosses rivers and deserts
and yet never moves?
Teacher: "OK class, who will
give me the chemical formula for water?"
"What on earth are you on about?"
Pupil: "Well you said yourself
yesterday it was H to O!"
What a difference a good
I was irritable, exhausted and I felt like hell.
Now I’m irritable, exhausted, I feel like hell and I smell of
“What's the name of your new dog?”
don’t know. He won’t tell.”
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door and asks: “And, is he
Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even
remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I
know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
What should you do when you see a spaceman?
You just park in it, man.