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Funny Clean Jokes | Part 2

Best first: What do you name a bear without an ear? Answer: B

     
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”

Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”

Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”

Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”

Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder."

Jim: "No way man, are you okay?"

Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was just on the first step."
Police officer: “Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I’m going to have to take away your driver’s license.”

Driver: “You’re kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!”
Are you two twins?

No, why do you ask?

Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes.

OK that’s enough, your driver’s license please.
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to marry me.

She said no, on both occasions.
Insurance clerk: "Where were you born, Sir?"

Man: "In the United States."

Insurance clerk: "OK, and which part?"

Man: "My entire body."
My wife is a bit weird. She always starts her talking with “Michael, are you listening to me?”

A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.
Just came home from a training session. Two hours on the treadmill did me really good. If only I could somehow stop the constant beeping and the irritated comments of the cashier.
Does your dog bite?

Nope.

Oh, so how do you feed him?
“Waiter, take your thumb off my schnitzel immediately!”
-
“Oh yeah? And have it fall down again!?”
Do you want to hear a joke backwards?

Yes…
Very good, start laughing.Do you want to hear a joke backwards?
My SMS autocorrect just changed "I’m so concerned with existential anxieties it is difficult to breathe" to "I feel great"
The police stops a computer hardware engineer: “Your light isn’t working. You have to get off your bike.”

IT guy: “I tried that but the light still isn’t working.”
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?

Passenger: No, I am in a hurry.
Next Part
Clean Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5



 
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