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Xmas Jokes | Part 5

Best first: Why do Christmas trees suck at knitting?
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They eventually drop all their needles.
 
Funny Xmas pullover

So – Santa is this foreign guy with a host of small people who build the toys we give our kids?
 
Santa must be Chinese.

What do you get when you make a snowman really, really mad angry?
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Frothy the Snowman.
It’s a good thing Santa doesn’t suffer from dyslexia.
It would be inconvenient to receive a Christmas visit from Satan.
And who brings presents to little sharks who’ve been good the whole year?
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Santa Jaws!
In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.
 
“Do they get any bigger by any chance?” she asks the shop assistant with a sigh.
 
He looks at her for a while and says, “No madam, they are quite dead.”
What do snowmen do in their spare time?
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They’re just chilling.
What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?
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Oh thanks… I shall never part with it.
Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?
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The ones with the ho-ho-hole.
A good sign for a toy shop at Christmas: We speak ho-ho-ho here!
What can you give away at Christmas and yet still keep?
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Measles, for instance.

Santa once lost his undies. That is when the tradition of calling him Saint Knickerless started.
How do reindeer amuse themselves during the long year?
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They play stable-tennis.
Doctor, I can’t get rid of the idea that I’m a Christmas bell, please help!
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Very well, take these pills twice daily and if they don’t work, give me a ring.
Advent calendars are an inspiration to us all. They are so jolly – and yet their days are numbered…
Santa Claus climbs down a chimney into the family living room and wow, there’s an amazing, fully naked blonde woman. She winks at him meaningfully.

Santa clutches his head, “If I do it, no way will I make it to heaven. If I don’t do it, no way will I make it back up the chimney!”
Why won’t Christmas trees stand up straight?
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Well, they don’t have legs.
Jedi knights have an extra advantage at Christmas. They can feel the presents.
“Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!” Ogden Nash

Christmas Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

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