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Amazing Puns | Part 6

Best first: I got drunk yesterday and ate some scrabble tiles because it seemed fun. Now that I'm sober, I fear my next poop could spell disaster.

     
I bought shoes from a second hand shop. I think they must've belonged to some junkie though because I've been tripping the whole day.

Three guys walk into a bar. Why? Because they’re blind.
I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness. It came out of the green.
Q: Why did the lights go out?
 
A: They liked each other a lot.
Who said grapes are soft? They never cry when you step on them, they just let out a bit of wine.
What did I do when I landed in Iraq by mistake?
-
Iran.
I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows.
Stairs cannot be trusted. They’re always UP to something.
I nearly drowned yesterday. It was a breathtaking experience.
This may come across as cheesy - but I think you’re grate.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
-
Paul (11), a.k.a. The Boy Who’d Eat Just About Anything
What does a cloud with an itchy rash do?
-
Finds the nearest skyscraper.
It sucks working from home today. | Peter (52), Fireman
The future, the present, and the past walk into a shady bar.
 
Things get tense.

What would you call a female magician in the desert?
-
A sandwich."
What’s the difference between glue, a tuna and a piano?"

"No idea."

"You could tuna piano, but you couldn’t piano a tuna."

"Oh. And what’s with the glue?"

"I knew you'd get stuck there."
Why did the banana have to go to the doctor?
 
It wasn't peeling too well.
Why did Billy throw his pocket watch out of the window?
-
Because he heard his parents saying that time flies.
Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime, no problem!
I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!
The most exciting beverage for a soccer player? The penaltea!
I once worked in a bank, but then I lost interest.
Will sell broken marionettes. No strings attached.
Why was Cinderella kicked off the soccer team?
 
She always ran away from the ball.

What do you get when you crossbreed fish with elephants?
 
Swimming trunks.
A boy ate some coins for fun and his parents took him to the hospital. One hour later the parents asked the nurse how it was going. Apparently, “no change yet.”

A guy was taking his girlfriend to prom. Getting ready, he went to a tux rental shop. There was a huge line but he eventually got his tuxedo.

 He then went to the florist. Again, there was a huge line, but he got the orchid in the end.

 Then he went to the limo rental place, and there was a big line there too! But he eventually managed to rent one.

They got to the prom and danced for a little bit, and then his girlfriend asked for some punch. He went to get it – but there was no punch line.
Oh you are gluten free? So you go against the grain? Pasta la vista baby.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

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