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Hilarious Puns | Part 2

Best first: I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup. After that I had a massive vowel movement.

     
What is red and occasionally explodes in the fruit section?
-
A pomegranate.
If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?

What was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
 
“Gimme my quarter back!!!”
What’s the biggest pan in the world?
-
Japan.
I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up. Hopefully, she’ll realize the two of us are not going to work out.
What do snowmen do in their spare time?
-
Just chilling.
Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.
 
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.
Care to seduce a large woman? Piece of cake.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

Daddy somebody’s at the door. He’s collecting for the district’s new indoor swimming pool.
-
Ok, give him a bucket of water then.
A terrorist enters a McDonalds.
-
The cashier asks: “Hello sir, what would you like to eat?”
-
The terrorist: “Nothing, I’m so full I’m about to explode.”
Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.
What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg?

Hop in.
“Why is there music coming out of your printer?”
-
“That will be the paper jamming again!”

What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?
 
Winnie the Pooh.
A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”
Which bees produce milk? The boo-bees!
Next Part
of Best Puns

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

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